By Genevieve Lewis Paulson

From Celia: This might have been a discouraging time if you are around 80, or even older. A blaring judgment that we are “too old” has landed harshly on many of us.
But, what’s true? How are people in their last decades really doing? What does the research say? It has been heartening to find that experts on aging have solid, better news and they warn us not to bow to ageist attitudes. Unlike most other prejudices ageism is not only allowed, it is spread unquestioningly in our culture and in many others around the world.

Are we doomed towards the end to live shriveled lives?  Should we really switch on the alarms after we turn 80 and retreat to the back of the house? Is it all about inevitable disease, decline, and death? The founding director of the Stanford Center on Longevity, Laura Carstensen, says there is a general cultural bias that says old people “… are all kind of the same, they’re doddering, and aging is this steady downward slope.” *

As I look at my own group of friends, I can see that there isn’t just one way of being old. And although by 80 a few of us are in a difficult decline, I agree with John Rowe (a professor of health policy and aging at Columbia University) that
“…in the 6 years after turning 75, about half of people showed little or no change in their physical, biological, hormonal, and cognitive functioning….” He added that old people “include the wisest people on the planet.”  *.

Although serious physical and cognitive problems can catch a number of us in our later years, there is a great deal of evidence that old age can be what we make it. If we expect to be decrepit and the people around us do too, it is more likely that will become our reality.

A dear friend, Genevieve Lewis Paulson, will be 97 at the end of this month, and I trust her take on reality. Here is what she had to say after I turned to her and asked how she had dealt with the last years of life, the difficulties of disease, and facing death. She learned some simple, practical, and caring lessons for dealing with old age that shaped her expectations:

We were never taught that death was something to fear. It was treated as a normal part of life. When I was a child, I gathered that if we behaved reasonably well and asked for forgiveness when we didn’t, that all would be well after death. Later I learned about reincarnation and karma and I still believe pretty much that same way, but with greater understanding of the complexities of life, before and after death.

 My mother told me old people liked to visit with younger people. Sometimes she had me take some food to an older person and she would tell me to stay and visit a while. I heard many wonderful stories that way. Sharing stories is a very important part of life, especially when we are old. It’s a way of passing on the greater family story. This includes encouraging the younger generations to share their stories with us as well. Their lives are also part of the greater family story.

 There was an older couple that moved in about half a block from us so they could live in a town where there was a doctor since the husband was dying. When he was younger, he had helped survey the area for the new railroads. My mother sent me over to visit with him. We both enjoyed our visits and I did not feel sorry for him – it was just his time to go. I did feel sorry for his wife though, because she didn’t seem to have any books or things to do other than take care of him and keep the house spotless, which she did.

 My grandfather, in his 90s, liked to spend time with his old friends sitting on the benches outside the stores in the downtown area. They could visit and keep an eye on what was going on in town. My grandfather’s mother lived into her 90s and was able to prepare wonderful company meals by herself. If she was “fussed” she would sit in her rocker until she calmed down. She was a strong and wise woman. I learned that there are choices we can make when we are old.

 In my 80s, I was still traveling. I went to India on a three-week pilgrimage with one of my sons and his wife. A few years later I went to Moscow to give some seminars. That decade saw travel and other things, including writing books. My first book was published when I was 61, so I got a late start! Looking forward to my 90s, I decided it was time to stay home and not to travel any more. I also didn’t like the idea of driving when I was in my 90s, although that is fine for some people. My life style was too meditative for me to be behind the wheel.

 Learning new things is important at any age but especially as we get older. Learning about new medicines and how to work with an older body is also definitely part of what we need to do. And, we don’t always have to DO something with what we learn. I do lean on the younger generation though, for help in the technical area!

 I have always looked forward to the coming years. I wondered about what I would get done, and whether I would finish up things from the previous year. The time ahead is still full of promise for me. And there is time for important reflection. Getting to know ourselves better seems to be an important part of aging: letting go of what is not helpful and opening up to new ways of perceiving and being. I see things from a different perspective now.  When I open to new ideas and energies that are emerging, more expanding and understandings come. It is refreshing to look at things in new ways. The energies now seem more relentless than ever. You have to expand to keep up!

        *   These quotes are from the September 2024 issue of SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN

Genevieve Lewis Paulson has written many books, some with her sons.
Here is a list of most of them –
KUNDALINI AND THE CHAKRAS: EVOLUTION IN THIS LIFETIME (1991)
MEDITATION AS SPIRITUAL PRACTICE (1994)
MEDITATION AND HUMAN GROWTH (1997)
REINCARNATION: REMEMBERING PAST LIVES (1998) with Stephen J. Paulson
A GUIDE TO SPIRITUAL AWAKENING: Chakras, Auras, and the New Spirituality (2003) With Stephen J. Paulson
And in 2000 and 2010 – CHAKRAS, AURAS AND THE NEW SPIRITUALITY with Stephen J. Paulson
TUMO: THE FIRE IN THE BELLY (2011) with Roger Paulson and illustrator Matt Olson
JOURNEY INTO COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS (2023) with Stephen J. Paulson    

*     *     *     *     *
 The image that leads this post is of “The Grandmother Tree” – an ancient juniper that grows in the forest near the Colorado home of Judy and Jack Stucki. This past month Jack noticed that The Grandmother had grown around an even older tree, a pinyon pine, and that together they shared beauty as well as great age.

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